I've
recently noticed a new blip on my radar screen of
fatherhood. It's so faint I can barely see it. The
faint glow comes from the dads who now run daycare
family homes. Not only are they caring for their own
kids at home but are also parenting the kids of other
traditional fathers. How do these dads feel about
caring for other families' kids? Do they run centers
differently than women? And like the at-home dad
question, how many of them are out there? My first
"daycare dad" sighting occurred in 1995,
when I interviewed Peter Horn, an at-home dad from
Wauwatosa, Wisconsin, (Fall 95 issue). When Horn
attended the Metro Child Care Association, he stated,
"Out of the 400-500 who attended I was the only
man that attended." He added, "The women
would think I was with my wife or was helping her run
the daycare."
According
to Child Care Aware spokesman Demise Fogarty, there
were 391,000 licensed daycare centers and family home
care across the country in 1996. How many of those
were run by dads is unknown to them as some state
agencies do not track the owners by gender. One
source however had more accurate "dad
numbers." According to the Work and Family
Resource Center based in Colorado, there are about
4,000 daycare centers or homes in the 6 county metro
area around Denver. Of the 4,000 there are only
"2 or 3 male run centers on file at a
time." Using those numbers as a sample, there
are about 300 male run centers across the country or
about one tenth of one percent of the total.
Luckily
four of those daycare dads subscribe to this
newsletter. One reader who has received quite a bit
of publicity, is Dave Maxson of Westminster, CO. He
was dubbed "personality of the year" by The
Denver Post which published an extensive article on
him last year. As a result of the article he even got
a call from a Regis and Kathy Lee producer to be
interviewed as a possible guest. Before the publicity
he had difficulty filling spots for his "Davey
Bear's Day Care." He noted that 7 out of 10
phone calls would ask him for the person running the
place and when he responded, "You're talking to
him," the next sound he would hear would be
"click"...another hang-up.
After the
publicity he found himself swamped with a few hundred
calls and was able to fill his positions quickly.
Now, he says, he gets only "3 out of 10 who hang
up immediately". Maxson grew up in a
neighborhood of all boys who took over the lawn
mowing jobs, so he decided to babysit and help his
mom run a nursery. With this early experience he
decided to stay home when his wife, Cathy, got
pregnant. He now cares for 8 children of which two
are his. Maxson did get a few calls from dads who
have considered becoming daycare workers.
What can
be done to get more dads in this profession? Bryan
Nelson through a Harvard University grant is trying
to find that out. Nelson theorizes, "If there
was a 50/50 split for males/females we would see a
shift of men who would stay home with the
child." With the youngsters seeing that men can
do the role that the women traditionally do they
would become a role model for caring for children
also. Or as Nelson puts it, "The role model
would be in their brain and this is a key place to do
it." Doreen Moore, a preschool director for
Leslie Country Day in Stoneham, Mass, says, "If
more men were in the profession the pay would be
higher." So it's a catch 22 situation where men
who are willing to go against the grain and be a
daycare provider or preschool teacher need also to
pass the hurdle of lower wages. It's no wonder that
out of 1600 kindergarten teachers in MN only 31 are
men. (Source: Minn Dept of Education)
Chris
Grimes of Des Moines, Iowa, took up the daycare
business after 6 years working in a soybean factory.
While he was working outside the home, his daughter
went through 2 daycare situations that were
"unsavory." Soon he found himself taking
childcare classes at a local collage and found that
he "really liked being a parent" and that
he wanted more time with his daughter. The only way
he could do this and make money was to open his
"Tiny Days Daycare Center." Now in his 3rd
year of business, he has 6 kids including his 3 1/2
year old daughter. He's had the same kids since he
opened 3 years ago.
Grimes has
found that when it comes to discrimination the dads
rather than the moms give him the most trouble. In
one case, a mother interviewed him twice, and liked
what she saw. It looked like Grimes was getting
another child. On the third visit, where he thought
they would be filling out enrollment forms, the
husband came along and abruptly asked him questions
about insurance and how much he had. Although he had
what was required the husband just left, with his
wife apologizing on the way out saying "I'm
sorry, he is like that." They never called back.
John Wise,
of Portland, Maine, wanted to make it clear that dad
was running his daycare so he named it "Dad's
Home Childcare". The first 6 months of his
business was slow. His first client was a child no
one else wanted, a special needs child with cerebral
palsy. After some advertising, workshops and
networking he found that word of mouth was what
worked best. He now has 8 kids (2 of his own). After
he wife Ellen had a baby he was an at-home dad for a
year and started looking for work but "nothing
was as satisfying as what I was doing."
One
interesting trend among the daycare dads was their
insistence that there be little structure and to let
the kids dictate their playtime. "It's art time
around here if Joe says, "let's do art"
said Wise. "The only structure around here is
snack, nap and lunch time." Wise calls it the
"rhythm method". "Why would you want
to break that rhythm by forcing another activity when
everything is fine. If things are running smoothly we
will continue with it as long as the kids are
enjoying it." He Peter Horn agrees. "If one
of my kids finds a bug on the sidewalk and wants to
talk about bugs, I take it as far as he wants it to
go. I call it a teachable moment, when their interest
is at a peak. If they want to do scarecrows in March,
then they do scarecrows in March. I just don't like
the technique where you might tell a kid, This is the
letter "A" and today we are going to learn
about the letter "A". When you do this you
will get nothing back from the kids."
Maxson
says, "Although we don't harp on it I do a
number, letter or color each day" however, he
also believes that "America is shoving education
down their throats. When I see a 2 or 3 yr old
sitting down being drilled with flashcards they are
losing their childhood. I spend more time teaching my
kids to say please and thank you."
Grimes
uses more structure than the other four but the kids
probably don't think of building a tree house or a
swing as "large motor skills." Nor do they
think of blocks, stickers and pretend play as
"small motor skills" He also does several
projects such as stringing macaroni and cheerios.
Jim
Marzano of Kingston, NY who runs what he calls
"artcare" (see Kids Drawn to
"Artcare" Biz for a profile), charges more
than a standard daycare since he cares for his kids
in his art studio. He said, "In my art studio,
kids rule. I have no predetermined schedule. Each day
they come in and I pick their brains." Jim added
that his daughter was an "incredible artist when
she was 1 and just took off easily."
So here we
have these dads who feel the need to be with their
children yet are caring for kids whose parents cannot
or choose not to stay home with their kids. Horn
feels that this decision is not a reflection on how
good a parent they are. "Everyone is not cut out
to do this, my wife would go nuts and kill them in 3
years. People ask me how I could do what I do, and I
say I don't know how they do what they do. For
instance I could never be a mailman." (Horn's
mailman was standing in his doorway during the
interview.) John Wise stated, "If a parent can
stay home at all they should. But there is a need. I
know I would find a way to stay home with the
children no matter what."
Discipline
seems to be no problem for Dave Maxson. When he
started he had a "biker look", weighed 245
lbs and had a full beard. Now he has lost the beard
and 85 lbs off his waist. Although the intimation
factor has lessened, he says he has a firm voice due
to his father's military style upbringing which makes
the kids snap to when he speaks. His most troublesome
kid?, "My daughter is the worse child I have.
She gets the most time-outs."
