Unfortunately, any publisher
who may want to make a profit on a book about dads need "sitcom" celebrities
like Bill Cosby or Paul Reiser to write about fatherhood. Since an at-home dad book would
not have a large enough audience to make a profit for a publisher, Curtis Cooper, the
founder of DAD-to-DAD, took matters in his own
hands last year and spearheaded a volunteer drive to self publish a collaborative effort
called the At-Home Dad Handbook.
Curtis notes, "When the idea for the
handbook first came to me, I envisioned writing the whole thing myself or maybe including
a couple outside stories. About a month later, I was talking with Peter Hoh (editor of the
Minnesota Dads At Home Newsletter) who
suggested I ask several at-home dads to contribute." He continues, "A request
was sent to the At-Home Dad Network asking if they would like to write an article or story
for the handbook. I was hoping we'd get about 30 guys saying they'd write something and
expected about 10 of them to actually do it. Of those 10, I expected about five of them to
me their articles on toilet paper! To my astonishment, almost everyone who offered to
contribute did!"
At-home dads from across the country
volunteered their stories, sent them off to at-home dad and editor, Barry Reszel, of
Libertyville, IL. Reszel volunteered over 100 hours of tireless editing, then sent the
pages off to Jay Massey of Pensacola, FL, who took the edited pages, and turned them into
a 128 page handbook. Massey runs Coco Design Associates
where he provides communications design for business and the internet.
The result is a guide that I highly
recommend for any at-home dad. The handbook starts off with a humorous piece by Boston's
DAD-to-DAD leader, Scott Bokun, of Lexington, MA, titled, "The ABC's for at-home
dads.." ie: D is for diaper bag ("it doesn't have to look like the one your
mother had"), B is for BSPN Sports Center ("I find the guys on ESPN can easily
remind me I'm an adult male, even though my day job requires me to be excited by all the
verses of Wheels on the Bus")... F is for Free time ("forget about those big
personal pursuits like reading every Kurt Vonnegut novel in chronological
order")… and of course U is for Underpaid.
In a more serious description of at-home
dads, we have researcher, Dr Robert Frank, of Glenview, IL who shares his 1994 and 1996 survey results from the readers of this
newsletter. He describes everything from isolation to family income. Dr Bruce Drobeck of
Ft Worth, TX, deals with the stereotypes beyond the common "Mr. Mom". He admits,
"OK, sometimes I did have on a dirty T-shirt, but it was stained with spit up not
beer. And the only TV I got to watch was Sesame Street." Dr. Drobeck will be the
keynote speaker at the November At-Home
Dads' Convention in Chicago. Michael Kennedy, of Long Island, gave his insight on the
media that depicts involved dads. He gives tips on writing to TV producers that may give
an unfair look at at-home dads.
Jay Massey wrote of the realities of working at home,
"It is well after midnight, and I am just starting to write this article. I have
attended a Valentine's party at my son's preschool, had two meetings at clients' offices,
lost a large contract we had bid, played toddler street hockey, closed a deal by phone
with another client on the other side of the country, cooked dinner and watched the winter
Olympics as a family and attempted an internet conference. Now in less than five hours, my
son will be waking, ready for a new day. Being a work-at-home-dad is the hardest thing
I've ever tried to do."
Several articles are written on isolation,
one of the larger issues faced by us dads. Nelson Dionne of Peabody, MA shares his tips on
hobbies to keep you busy. I have one in there on solving burnout (get out of the house!).
There's a story on how Curtis Cooper founded the successful national playgroup
organization DAD-to-DAD. Casey Spencer gives out invaluable tips on starting a DAD-to-DAD
playgroup including where to go, safety tips, snacks, planning. As for recruiting for a
playgroup, he notes the San Diego's DAD4O-DAD leader Jim DiCenzo's "ask
everyone" approach. "Jim will stop his car and ask a dad on the street if he's
interested in joining up."
Peter Hoh, of St Paul, MN, shares his
experience in publishing the local newsletter for the Minnesota Dads At Home playgroup. He
describes how to get started, recruit volunteers, how often to print and what regular
features to add.
One of my favorite articles is titled,
"The At-Home Dads' Guide to Meeting Women" by Steve Disenhof. He notes that all
but one of his at-home parents' friends are women because "there just aren't enough
of us around." Since there may not be a lot of dads to talk with you can "meet
the moms on equal terms and with their interests. Try not to be the stereotypical take
charge guy. Give them credit for the work they're doing, for being competent adults and
for dealing with the same issues that you are."
Hogan Hilling of Irvine, CA writes of a
group he co-founded, called Dad's in Action to help fathers become more involved in their
children's elementary schools. As a result he says, "There has been an increase of
fathers spending time in the classroom, attending school functions, and participating in
school projects such as painting the bathrooms, building bookshelves, installing ceramic
tile, developing a reading program, organizing fund raisers for the purchase of technology
and sponsoring a variety of evening parent education opportunities."
Four working moms also contributed to the
handbook. First, Maureen A. McLoughlin writes of what it means to be the wife of an
at-home dad. She notes, "My mornings are not frantic and hectic, racing out the door.
As I get ready for work, my house is calm and serene, my children are nestled snugly in
their beds. I calmly leave my house every morning, ready to face the day, not race the
clock. Nor at the end of the day do I have to race home to pick up anybody or to prepare
dinner." Maureen, along with her husband, James, co-edit Full-Time Dads Magazine
Pam Cooper of St. Paul, MN also writes of the confidence she feels of having her husband
Curtis home full time so that she can "live a day4o-day life with a lot less stress
than most moms who work full time."
Dagny Collier of Richmond, VA writes that
her husband was prepared as he had spent six years serving his country in the United
States Marine Corps; and had served in a war. She writes, "He was about to embark on
a war the likes of which he had never fought. The enemy included dirty diapers, soiled
laundry, dishes, dishes and more dishes. His partner in this war? A short little kid named
Jackson. Together they would fight the enemy, and win. You see, over the last three years
they have become the best of friends. I sometimes feel left out; OK a lot of times I feel
left out. But you know what? Jackson has developed a relationship with his father the
likes of which many people will never know."
Finally Beth Strapp of Raleigh, NC, an
accountant for IBM writes of her husband Darren who decided to stay home with his son
after 8 years in the Navy. In a Christmas letter Darren wrote, "I got out of the Navy
in September after 8 years and have since been making the transition from full time sailor
to full-time dad. It has been a rather humbling experience, but also a great deal of fun.
I have traded in the medals I proudly wore on my chest for a crusty coat of regurgitated
Enfamil." Beth adds, "I really admire the changes that my husband has made for
his family. I look at him differently now. When I watch him with our boys, I feel like my
heart is going to burst. I now understand the true meaning of love."
Timothy Larsen of MN wrote a very helpful
article for the working moms who may feel stress by feelings of guilt and jealousy.
Helpful tips like involving both parents in child-rearing decisions, creating time for mom
and kids and devoting weekends and evenings as much as possible to family time are
offered.
Finally to end the book, trained chef,
Michael Hunsinger of Rifle CO, offers up meal preparation for children. Included are wedge
fries, pizza, nachos, cookie cutter sandwiches and for kids who won't eat fruit alone he
offers his "fresh fruit smoothie."
At-Home Dad
