Full-Time Dads;
The E-Magazine for Caregiver Fathers
Issue 1, originally appeared in print - April 1991
Wow, does this publication hit the nail on the head!
Iike many others, I have chosen to be a Full-Time Dad. I have adopted two boys, Chad 10 and Adam 6, and have heard the subtle comments made by others regarding being a parent. You know the comments: "You don't know what you're getting into," (Does anyone really know?); "What will they do for a mother figure?" Yes has even come from women who raise children on their own, not considering what their children do for a father figure); and my favorite "Who win do the cooking and laundry?" (Iike a male is totally incapable of putting soap in the washer or reading a cookbook).
Being an adoptive Full-Time Dad throws another wrench into the system that people consider normal. From the very beginning I've confronted many issues about being a male child caregiver. I met my first resistance when I talked to the county social worker who told me I'd never be able to adopt Chad as he was too young, and I couldn't possibly take care of such a young child. It didn't matter that possibilities of any family for Chad were running out.
Luckily Chad's social worker felt that any family was better for Chad than the foster care system. Even after this I was met with much suspicion, but not by my son. The child (who, the caregiving institution said, couldn't handle having just a Dad), was so excited he could hardly sit still the rest of the day. Not every reaction I have received has been a negative one. Some people actually think I'm doing a brave and noble thing, although they may whisper later that I'm a little cracked. No matter what others think, be- ing a Fidl-Time Dad is great! Many people bring up how hard it must be, but to me I have known nothing else so it seems perfectly normal.
Full-Time Dads have a place in society. We have the right to be given the respect that is due us. With half of today's marriages ending in divorce and thousands of children stuck in a system that provides them no permanent homes, society should see us as another very legitimate, "normal" and healthy way to raise children.
Men are perfectly capable of being nurturing, caring, loving caregivers for our children. We have to step forward and let society know this. We must make a change in the outdated stereotypes of men being only stern and emotionless, and take the steps necessary to ensure that our next generation no longer carries stereotypes of men and women. We must step forward because it is just and right that we raise children, because it's good for our kids, and for us.
It's great to find a publication that recognizes that being a Full-Time Dad is okay. It's nice to know there are other men out there who have chosen to take the saine road as I have as a Full-Time Dad.
Copyright 1991 Bob Schneider
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