Full-Time Dads;
The E-Magazine for Caregiver Fathers
Issue 2, originally appeared in print - June 1991
I have a genuine best friend and I feel compelled to briefly share the news of this good fortune.
You might think that obtaining a best friend is a frequent phenomenon, and that I'm overreacting, but neither of these is the case. Acquaintances are abundant and ordinary friendships are common, but a true, undeniable ally is very rare. As such, gaining one becomes a source of bulging pride.
Best friends, I'm told, must be able to pass the "tea bag" test. People can be loyal and helpful when life is on an even keel, just as a tea bag can look great in the package, and sound terrific on the label. Only hot water can determine the real worth of the product in either instance.
There is not the slightest doubt that my best friend will respond favorably to the scalding temperature of adversity. In many ways, he has done so already, but I have the feeling that our biggest trials are yet to come. When confronted by unknown, future obstacles, he will respond with concern, and assistance, and loyalty. I cannot prove these happenings before the fact, but I know they will be so. Such confidence is part of the friendship.
We have already shared a great deal during our relatively short time with each other. We have laughed through good times, cried during bad times, agreed on a thousand topics and disagreed on a thousand more. We have hugged and we have fought. We have experienced the bliss of living and we have confronted the anquish of death. In this process of meeting life as it comes, we have consistently built a unique closeness and mutual respect.
That this type of symbiotic relationship has blossomed is somewhat surprising in retrospect, for I'm not sure that I ever envisioned it happening. I knew from the beginning that I would love this person, but there is sometimes a great difference between the expectation of love and the cultivation of friendship. You see, my best friend is only eight years old and he's my son.
Before his arrival, I remember candidly anticipating him as a responsibility, a societal requirement and an ego project. Now, I have come to discover that he is none of these; that instead, he is an indispensable part of my being.
He is my son, and for that I love him. Even more importantly, he is my best friend, and for that I appreciate him.
Copyright 1991 A. D. Vandenburg
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