Full-Time Dads;
The E-Magazine for Caregiver Fathers
Issue 3, originally appeared in print - August 1991
Thanks to Jack Murphy for getting Father Forum started on the right track with his answer to last issue's question of "What have you done to give yourself a life outside the role of full-time dad?":
I met the founder of Trees For Life on Earth Day 199O. I had ridden to the local rally on my bicycle, towing the kids behind in a trailer. A man came up to me and started a conversation about kids, bicycling as an environmentally sound way of getting around, and how nice it was of me to be there with them. As he left, he gave me a big hug; interesting man, I thought. Later, when they introduced the main speaker of the day, I understood a bit better. My new acquaintance was Balbir Mather, the founder of Tress For Life (TFL), a group dedicated to planting trees around the world as a way to provide food where it is needed. The group believes in helping people help themselves, and their goal is to plant more than 100 million fir trees around the world.
I was impressed by the man and the cause and wanted to do more with TFL than just buy a button. As a volunteer, I figured I would be able to help with the little things that a nonprofit organization needs done. I went to talk to the director of operations, expecting to be assigned tasks like putting stickers on buttons, stuffing envelopes, etc. Was I pleasantly surprised! I mentioned to him that I was interested in computers, though I was just a beginner. Before I knew it, I was given a copy of the group's business graphics program and was asked to learn how to use it, then to come back and teach it to the group. What a project! For a week I was like a kid with a new toy, playing around and discovering how to make simple graphs and charts. For myself, I learned a great deal; for TFL, I saved the: staff from spending time fiddling with a program that won't be frequently used.
This was the beginning. Since then I have been using a desktop publishing program to help the group design some of their literature. I am also entering school addresses into a database. I now volunteering about eight hours a week, both home at the computer and in the office, and I feel as if I am making an important contribution to a worth while cause.
Even for a man staying home with children, there is pressure to be productive. We hear so much about professionals who leave their jobs to be with their kids, and how easy it seems for them to work at home or freelance. For most of us, though, I believe this is not a viable option. Volunteering, both at TFL and at my son's school, provides me with an excellent way to give of myself and my time. This is an activity that stay-at-home moms have done for years, and, while there is no pay, being a volunteer is rewarding in its own way. And it gives me the opportunity to think about more than how to get the stain out of my son's new white tee-shirt.
This month's forum topic.
For the most part, being a fulltime dad at home is not much different than the traditional role of mother. But there are two areas that have proved awkward for me. We live in a small community far from the nearest mall, and shopping means a major trip. As soon as we arrive, I must find the bathroom for my four-year old daughter. The problem is which side to use, men's or women's! Obviously, I'm not about to invade the ladies room, but I've always been a bit uncomfortable taking a toddler (now pre-schooler) into the men's room, Next is the trouble with baby sitters, or rather their mothers. Every time I call a new teen-age girl to sit for us, I have to talk to her mother. It is easy to read the suspicion in her voice: Why does a man want to talk to my daughter, and is he trying to kid me with this baby sitting routine? It's much easier to let my wife do the calling.
What have you found to be the most difficult or awkward aspect of being a full-time dad? Send your answers or comments by September 3 to Craig Martin
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