Full-Time Dads;
The E-Magazine for Caregiver Fathers
Issue 3, originally appeared in print - August 1991
In response to the question concerning a 7 year old and bed wetting I have chosen the following which effectively incorporate the advice of many:
"For the father with the child who is wetting the bed my first advice is to remind you that you are not alone. Statistics show that one out of six children between the ages of 4 and 14 wet the bed. The majority are males. The essential thing to remember is that bed wetting is an involuntary action which often results in low self-esteem for a child if handled incorrectly and thus the child should never be punished or made fun of.
"The first step in treating it is to see if it is physical in origin. Depending on your beliefs, you can consult an M.D., a chiropractor or an allergist. Treatment may be medication or surgery if there is an anatomical problem.'
"Over 90% of bed wetters show no physical cause, however. Theories then are: the bladder hasn't matured enough to send the necessary full signals. Time will take care of that. If the child is sleeping extremely deep and he doesn't perceive the signals, etc. Treatment may be a device to wake the child, or nutritionists may recommend a herbal supplement to help stop the bed wetting.'
"The number one thing to remember is that bed wetting is involuntary and should never be scolded or punished. I would be happy to send you a copy of an article I wrote about this for another magazine that includes a number of addresses and resources..
Send a SASE to: Tamra Orr, PO Box 1793, Warsaw, IN 46581
Another view is presented by Mycall Sunanda, a family counselor using Dreikurs/S.T.E.P.approach. Mycall suggests seeking the cause to find the natural solution, respecting the child's self reliance, and seeking the real needs inside the child before trying to fix it. The assumption is that a need of the child is not being filled. It may be a passive way of expressing anger, fear or revenge toward parents or siblings, especially if they react with blame, shame, insults, etc. Ask the child why it happens, how he feels about it, and how you respond.Explore the pre-bedtime activities and feelings to learn what attitude he takes to bed before wetting it, likely to be unresolved issues from the day which need to be accepted objectively without pity or praise. After this clearing process maybe a massage, playing together, cuddling or honest sharing about daily feelings will also help prevent it. Also try letting the child change the bed without blame. The "why" is the key.
The second question posed last issue will be repeated here for response next issue. How can a father keep his relationship solid as puberty approaches and his daughter is beginning to question how much he can know about the changes she is experiencing?
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