Full-Time Dads;
The E-Magazine for Caregiver Fathers
Issue 3, originally appeared in print - August 1991
Nearly four years ago, my family restructured itself so that I could change careers. My wife, who had been a fulltime parent, now became a part-time employee, which placed me in the role of full-time father.
I felt that I was truly an enlightened parent, who could work a full-time job at the same time know my children's needs, desires, and opinions. My wife, who has incredible patience and insight, tried several times to explain to me that I wasn't seeing the whole picture. She was, of course, correct. While going to work and being away from our two daughters, who were at the time four and six years old, was the last thing my wife wanted to do, it was the best thing that could have possibly happened to me. During the past several years I have come to know that my children are not the people I thought they were. While they were very young, I found that they had very strong opinions about many things which were invisible to me until I had the relatively unique opportunity to spend time with them on a daily basis. The children I felt I knew were very different from the children I came to know.
I had much to learn about the logistics of sending two children off to preschool and first grade, which included curling hair, brushing teeth, picking out appropriate clothes, (no easy task for me) and serving breakfast. This was a challenge, but I found a way to get them ready and off to school on time. I became proficient at many things which I had never tried before, mostly through trial and error.
One of the things we always tried to do as parents was to be a part of our children's education. Volunteering was the chosen activity, allowing us participate on a daily basis with our children's classroom routines. I spent time with my oldest daughter Tracey, and observed my younger daughter Christina as she spent 2 1/2 hours per day in preschool.
The observation booth at the preschool was a gathering place for many parents who conversed about parent type concerns, such as behaviors, in and out of classrooms, busy schedules, what their children did the previous day, etc. I spent every day observing over a one year period, so I was a familiar person to the other parents. I felt like I was part of the crowd and enjoyed being included in conversations, feeling that my input was important. I felt like I had overcome many of the stereotypes about fathers due to my constant involvement, allowing the other parents to get to know me. I knew all the parents on a first name basis, feeling quite confident that they knew my name. Upon introduction, I would also cement my bond with this preschool by including the fact that I was "Christina's dad." Toward the end of the year, a new parent began coming in to observe. One of the other parents who I had come to know fairly well (these are all mother's, with me being the only male to observe in this class) introduced the newcomer to the rest of us. The introductions were brief, with mine going something like; "This is Paul. He is Christina's mother." So much for gender breakthrough.
My children are finishing first and third grade now, so when I was invited to the volunteer appreciation breakfast sponsored by the school my children attend, I should not has been surprised when the speaker stood up and thanked all of the busy mothers who had done so much for the children of our schools by volunteering their time, and for marrying such understanding husbands.
Copyright 1991 Paul Tennyson
Copyright Full-Time Dads. All rights reserved.