Issue Index

Full-Time Dads;

The Magazine for Caregiver Fathers

Issue 17, originally appeared in print - September 1995

Teen Dads

By

We do not allow the opportunity for our little boys to one day picture themselves as fathers.

Adolescence. The time when young men are seeking their independence, and at the same time still dependent. The time of letting go of their youth, and at the same time holding on to its simplicity. The time when they are challenging boundaries, and then returning to the security of their homes. And for some adolescent boys, the time when the transitional period becomes interruptedóthey are now dads. "Teen dads"óas the phrase goes. No longer able to experience the Friday night party. No longer able to just go out and "kick it" with their friends. No longer able to work for pleasure. He is now sharing the responsibility of nurturing his child, supporting his child and being physically available for his child. Right?

If all of this sounds like a rare "teen dad" or even a dream "teen dad", you're right. And if this "super-teen-dad" did all of these wonderful things for his child, we would know that one more adolescent was robbed of his youth. One who rushed through his transitional period to adulthood. A young adult who challenged all of the beliefs that were instilled by his parents and our society.

We, as a society and future parents of an adolescent, raise our young boys with an image that child care is the responsibility of the mother. We do not allow the opportunity for our little boys to one day picture themselves as fathers. We discourage our little boys from anything that could be classified as feminine. In fact, we encourage a warped idea of what "masculinity" is within every maleóthe more women you've "had" the more "macho" you are. Yet, if this little boy was to experience his adolescence as a "teen dad", we would expect him to become a "super teen dad."

Ambivalence has just filled the mind of this youthóand we wonder why he runs. Ridicule has just surrounded his youthóand we wonder why he denies having a child. And as his child grows, we tell him or her that their father was no goodó "He's irresponsible." So the cycle continues. A cycle that perpetuates the polarization between males and females.

We search for answers. We look for places and people to point the finger ató "It must have been the environment he grew up in; his father must not have been around." What we fail to do is to look for answers from within our own ideologies and beliefs. Answers that would allow a change for all society. A change that would keep this young "teen dad" around for his child, and more importantly, that would discourage reckless and irresponsible sexual behavior.

What can we do as parents of future adolescents? As parents, we need to come out from behind the notion that sex and sexual issues are being taught within the school and do not need to be discussed within the home. In short, we need to reopen communications with our children. "Sex" and all of its connotations need to be seen in a new light, one that is not tainted or taboo.

As a community and hence, society, we need: