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Full-Time Dads;
The Magazine for Caregiver Fathers
Issue 18, originally appeared in print - November 1995
Hi, I'm Julia Padma LaBarge Linton. I am ten years old. This is the first time I have helped my dad with something so important. I think why kids like Christmas so much is they like having a tree in their house and they like opening presents. But I think it is all that plus giving gifts to the homeless. Why I like giving to the homeless is that is makes you feel really good.
From joy to dread, the holiday season brings up a variety of feelings for families. The pressures of our consumer society can make this a tense time of year. Crowded stores and traffic jams all add to the flurry of activity that often push us to the limits of our patience. We find ourselves asking the question - is it really worth it? Could we do without this "holiday madness?" Couldn't we just skip the whole thing???
It is up to us as parents (for us as dads), to rescue Christmas from its overcommercialism and restore it to one of the special days in our children's lives. We can help create a special time of year to celebrate children, which I believe was the original intent of this holiday.
For most children, Christmas is not a religious holiday. Children don't associate a jolly fat man in a red suit with any religious symbolism. As my daughter mentioned above, it is quite exciting to have a tree in the house. When our children were young, the surprise on their faces when they found their presents under the tree was so special for them.
Christmas is a celebration of children. As I researched the history of St. Nick, I was led to his pre-Judeo-Christian past. It appears Santa Claus has his origins in a pre-Christian deity who was the protector of children, a nature spirit similar to the "green man" whose job it was to look out for the welfare of children.
Both Hanukkah and Christmas may have been adjusted to coincide with this earlier folk tradition which was the focus of the winter season. Children, especially young ones, need to have special days that are just for them. Except for school graduations and various religious ceremonies, which mark memorable moments in their lives, we have few special days for children. Only birthdays and Christmas remain as days truly reserved for kids. If these days are diminished in importance, children lose some of life's joy and the good feelings that go with it.
Santa Claus reaches out to children in a unique way. Presents and "giving" can certainly express love and goodwill at this time of year. Most children know Santa doesn't bring gifts to parents. Somehow, Santa Claus is just for them.
For children who can believe in the Santa Claus story, Christmas can be a magical time that brings much personal happiness. Children who can experience the ancient myth of Santa Claus can have their loves immensely enriched. The thought of a happy good person, colorfully dressed who brings presents just for them creates a sense of "magic" in their lives. While difficulties and incertainties in life are many, Christmas and the magic of Santa Claus help reassure children and give them a sense of hope.
If our own rational thinking forces us to deprive our children of this symbolic meaning, which Santa represents, we lose the beneficial effects which can extend over the lifetime of the child. Children have a need for magical thinking. From about four to ten years old, magical thinking actually helps kids cope with the world. The hardships, difficulties, even terrors that are part of our lives and as adults that we "cope with," can be dealt with by young children through magical beliefs that help them "cope." As children grow, magical thinking declines as their rational consciousness is equipped to deal with the uncertainties and vicissitudes of life.
Together, my wife and I have tried to craft a unique Christmas for our children. We have a great time choosing a tree and decorating it. Our tree is covered with ornamants the kids have made over the years. Our children feel the joy of getting gifts that are given in celebration of them with no one but Santa to thank.
As our children have gotten older, we have begun to explore the meaning of "peace" at this time of year. This is a time when we can all wish for a world that is more nuturing and peaceful. Our children can begin to express the feelings of gratitude that reflect their own experience of Christmas and what it means to them.
The winter solstice, the seasonal change begins to mark a turning inward time. With less daylight, the cold, the change in the landscape around us, we all feel some of the seasonal transition. Connecting with these changes are part of the experience of Christmas for us too. My wife and I take pleasure in creating a maningful time for each of us to enjoy being a family together.
Bruce Linton, Ph.D. is a family therapist and coordinator of the Fathers' Forum programs for new and expectant fathers. Julia Linton is a fourth grade student at Sierra School. Bruce can me reached at (510) 644-0300 or e-mail him at mblarts@slip.net he also has a web site for new and expectant fathers at: www.fathersforum.com
Copyright 1994 Bruce Linton, Ph.D.
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