Editorial; Issue 19 January 1996

Full-Time Dads;

The Magazine for Caregiver Fathers

Issue 19, originally appeared in print - January 1996

Editorial

By Stephen Harris

What was it someone said about the examined life? My Bartlett's Quotations doesn't list it in the index, so I don't really know. But I bet the sentiment had something to do with how complicated and tedious it can be to live an examined life, such as I have been doing for a few years.

Being the publisher of Full-Time Dads has, as founder Chris Stafford warned, made me an instant expert in the field. I am the go-to guy when it comes to modern Fatherhood. Actually, I am just someone's dad who happens to put together this little magazine up in the guest room. But to the uninformed, I am the All-Knowing. I must admit, sometimes I think of myself that way too.

I get my ego stroked as a result, like when a reporter from the Wall Street Journal calls me as a source. But the downside is that I spend so much time thinking about - and examining - Fatherhood, that I get wrapped up in the socio-politics of it all. I was thinking the other day how carefree it must be to simply be a dad and not have to think all the time about Fatherhood. Not that I think about it all the time, but the Grander Implications are never too far below the surface.

Now, in addition to doing Full-Time Dads, and being a dad, I am working on a book about fatherhood, sort of a field guide. It's another ego stroke, to have someone in New York think me worthy of such a project, and it is a book that needs to be written. And I do think I am up to the task, if I do say so myself. But here I am again, examining Fatherhood in general, and my own fatherhood in particular. It's a little like performing in front of a mirror all the time.

I look at other dads - at the sledding hill, in McDonalds, at the store, even the dads in my dad's group - and I realize that, in a way, I am missing out on the experience of pure Dad-hood. It's not so much that I over-think all of my actions and reactions; I don't for a moment think that what I do with my own kids has any bearing on the institution of Fatherhood. But after they go to school in the morning, I turn to my office, and start writing about, or talking to reporters about, or reading about, or at least thinking about, Fatherhood. I lie in bed at night and try not to think about Fatherhood.

Living the examined life has its pluses and minuses. I think that studying Fatherhood has made me a better father. Certainly I am more aware of how I treat my kids. I get the wonderful opportunity to talk with and correspond with fathers all over the world, sharing insights and thoughts, an experience few ever have. I also get the chance to talk to writers and reporters about myself and about my own vision of Fatherhood. But sometimes I get confused about which is the reality: me or the reflection in the mirror. Sometimes I forget that I am no more an expert than any other dad, that, in fact, my insights might be clouded by so much examination.

As far as my kids are concerned, I am just a dad, and I rely on them to burst my bubble and keep me attentive to the here-and-now. There's nothing like a couple of kids to keep a guy whittled down to size.

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