Issue Index

Full-Time Dads;

The Magazine for Caregiver Fathers

Issue 23

Homework Helper

By Edward R. Dalton

As a young boy growing up in rural Connecticut, I promptly learned the value of finishing my homework early-more time to play and for TV. Sitting at the kitchen table, I would talk through the assignment with my mother as she stood at the stove preparing supper. At that time, my own father had little to do with the actual labor of the school night's duties. His role was limited to passing out praise for a job well done.

The years summon change and now, as af father of three daughters, my evenings, and occasional weekends, are filled with the pursuits of punctuation, pasting, a proofs (geometric, of course!). Beyond the immediate motivation which this involvement can provide to young learners, it clearly communicates the value which you place on education both in and outside of the classroom.

There are rudiments of content and process involved in the plan which I employ. Content is the actual work that is accomplished-math problems are solved, English papers are written. Process is the manner by which the content is achieved. In order to attain a balance between helping and doing, content and process must neighbor each other.

Kate, our oldest and a high school freshman, needs much less guidance from me now than does Kara, who as a fifth grader studying world geography, is at times nearly paralyzed without me at the end of her elbow. She was recently writing a few paragraphs about the ocean with the heading "What I Already Know and What I Would Like to Know." Her words cam haltingly, "I really do not know very much about the ocean," she wrote. We talked about summer vacation. Our family has spend several weeks of every summer since her birth on the beaches of Martha's Vineyard. The discussion enabled her to use what she already knew though had kept hidden from herself until that moment. She went on to record her memories of waves, sand, and jellyfish. In this example, writing out the paragraph is the content while engaging in a course to recover memories in the process.

Lauren, our eight-year-old, has one objective when doing her homework-get it done! As third grade assignments are fairly brief, my work with her is to add the slightest bit of related materials or activities to the task. Following a recent three-minute assignment on the weather, we loaded our CD-based encyclopedias and called up some different types of clouds. She proceeded to print them for the next morning's class while smiling and stating that her teacher would be interested in seeing them. This is the Lilliputian light which begins to gleam for our children as they rediscover their inquisitive zeal from an earlier time in their life, typically associated with the toddler stage, and apply it to school undertakings. It is what homework helpers wait for in that, to a considerable degree, job success is measured by the ability to make oneself less necessary. Homework helpers always have an eye on down sizing.

I encourage my daughters to do more than the basic, take home tasks. This is not solely for them to be shining stars in the classroom (while at the cost of drawing sneers from their peers) but more to nourish their appetite for finding thoughts, ideas, and whims that truly interest them. Many lessons, particularly the more fundamental ones such as times tables and rules of grammar can be deathly dim, however necessary. Combining proper placement of participles with a story on mummification can make a prosaic chore somewhat less lethal.

While I value process over content, I frequently ask, "When is that assignment die?" (Had Darwin not gotten his writing to the publisher, we might still be unaware of our distant relations.) Though in the end, process rules the day. It cannot be taught in the way that math and grammar are with rote lessons, though it does rely on practice. It is a way of thinking about the work that includes a genuine appreciation for all of the inherent ambiguities that defy simple-minded expression while straining for discussion. It is of great advantage to our children when they are able to realize that clear-cut, jejune answers fall far short of responding to many of our most important questions.

I value my children's idiosyncrasies. I do not want them to become academic automatons. A focus on process assists them to believe in themselves. This is especially meaningful at a time when the phenomenon of low self-esteem appears to play a significant role in decisions that young people make regarding their performance at school, in the home, and in their communities.

A venerable Boston psychiatrist used to point out that a good therapist never does the work which can be done by the patient, but always does that which is beyond the patient's reach. He went on to say that the true dilemma however, was in deciding when one situation was present and not the other. This thinking has long been considered by competent teachers in the classroom and must be employed by parents who engage in the education of their children. to do too much of an assignment for a child robs her of the opportunity to discover, flounder, and perhaps ultimately triumph. Conversely, to do too little can leave a child doubtful, frustrated, and invested in finding the quickest, easiest way out.

The job for us is to help our children believe in themselves. Once discovered, this rich substrate can furnish all that is required for them to take pleasure in learning while ferreting out those theories and speculations which particularly inspire them. My own ability to allow the evolution of process was recently tested as we reviewed the high school course listings. Our daughter repeated her disdain for social studies stating that she had no interest in signing up for any of the available history courses. I was stuck with the thought that "a little of this, a little of that" would enrich her experience. This precipitated my wish that she take one of the classes. Then she did me a great kindness. She eloquently argued for her chosen course selections, all the while using skills she had developed during many evenings filled with forensics concerning some element of her homework. The sweet ambiguity of having simultaneously lost and won the debate enraptured me and I felt duly compensated for my service.

Well intentioned but overworked educators rely on parental participation to follow through on the tasks that they are barely able to introduce during the school day. Our family has been privileged to work with many able and compassionate teachers. They are the ones who know the value of home-based support for all that goes on in the classroom and who encourage parents to take an active role in this eminently important realm of their children's growth and development.

Copyright 1996 Edward R. Dalton