Father's World

Joseph Cordell,J.D.

Past Questions

Current Questions and Answers

NOTE: Information contained in this site is intended to help fathers who are involved in the divorce process. It should not, however, be construed as legal advice. For personal legal advice, please consult your attorney.

Q: My husband's ex wife has children by multiple fathers. Every time she has another child, we are back in court because she's trying to raise our CS. According to this state, every time she has a child, her cost "income" goes down even though she collects CS on the other children. Will the courts ever open their eyes to the numerous women who live off CS and welfare and just keep having more kids to keep collecting? It is so discouraging for us, not to mention the trauma and morals these children are lacking from instability! What can we do?
Asked by JJ in Arizona

A: Well, I don't know what you can do as far as your state's laws, other than contacting your legislator, but in many states, the rule is that children born AFTER entry of an existing support order cannot be considered in a modification of support. For example, that is the rule in my state, Missouri. In Missouri if a woman has another child after a support order is in place for a previous child, she can't use that child as a basis for changing support, nor can she use that child in the support calculation even if she has some other basis to modify. So, in many states, the legislature is aware of this kind of activity. One further comment: you comment that the "courts" should open their eyes, etc. It isn't the courts, it's your state legislature. Judges can only apply the law as it is written. If the law requires these "after-born" children to be considered, then that's what the judge has to do whether he likes it or not. So, keep the proper target in mind and write or call your state senator/congressman.

Q: My ex-spouse "authored" the decree. I signed it. Now she still isn't happy with circumstances. Order states "visitation with supervision by Petitioner in her home, 2-5pm Sundays." She believes that if our children's social calendar conflicts, or she wants to go out of town for the weekend, oh well, too bad. I cannot parent while sitting in her living room, in a 3hr period, once a week. My mental health was in question before. My physical condition is exacerbated by her presence (hi blood pressure and depression). My doctor and an attorney have stated I would be foolish to continue this visitation procedure. When I informed ex-spouse of this, she states no one can come with me and she will have "someone" with her, "just in case", her feeling is that if i "choose" to follow my advice, then she can deny my access or she calls it forfeiture of my visit. I am submitting a request for enforcement of the order and a petition to modify the supervision issue. Anything else I could or should do?
Asked by Daniel in Fountain Hills, AZ

A: It sounds like you are correctly handling the situation, as far as the general rules applicable to this situation. You don't say exactly what kind of request for enforcement you are using; it could be a motion for contempt, or a motion to enforce the decree (where you basically ask the judge to enter an order requiring her to do what she's already required to do anyways, but it's ordered in a more specific and direct manner so as to support a possible future motion for contempt). Either one might be appropriate depending on your specific circumstances. Modifying the supervision issue sounds like a good idea, but why not go farther? There's nothing wrong with asking for more than you necessarily expect to get. You might consider asking for additional time, and some kind of specific order addressing the fact that she seems to feel she can ignore the order if she wants to leave town.

Q: I am the "new" girlfriend of an unmarried father, we have been trying to get visitation with his daughter but we have a notice of default. How do we get that corrected?
Asked by Michele Rooney in Vancouver, Washington

A: This depends on what, exactly, you defaulted on, and your state's specific procedure. In general, if there was some kind of court action and a default judgment was entered (that means you didn't respond or show up, so the judge proceeded without you), and you haven't gone past the time limit (it's frequently either a year, or 6 months), then you can file a motion to set aside the default. You would need to have a good reason for defaulting in order to do that. If there was an administrative action (like by your state's Child Support Enforcement Agency), then the procedure would be different, but it's unlikely that the administrative action had anything to do with visitation, and it probably won't interfere with your bringing a future custody action. In short, the exact thing to do depends on what you defaulted on, and what your state's rule is. You need to consult a lawyer for your state.

Q: Hello my fiancé and I live in Washington and we are in the process of moving to Colorado in May. He is in the military and December of 1999 his ex wife moved out of the state to move back to Florida. At the time she said she moved because she felt her life was threatened by her boyfriend. Later she e-mailed me saying she moved to Florida for family support and that it was important that their son be around family. His father is his family. Now he gets out of the army in May and she found a new guy and is moving out of Florida to North Carolina but they may move again. In the parenting plan it states that if its geographically capable that the father pays for travel expenses. Now is that geographically capable? To me that is impossible. She won't even meet us half way. And also once we move to Colorado, can we modify it and change the parenting plan?
Asked by Jennifer

A: What does "geographically capable" mean? That doesn't even make any sense to me. Do you have any idea what the court meant by this phrase? In any event, as a general matter the situation you describe, especially the ex's frequent moves, should support a motion to modify the parenting plan. If the child has lived in Florida for greater than 6 months, and she hasn't gone to N.C. and lived there with the child for 6 months, then it's likely that Florida currently has jurisdiction over the modification (as the child's "home state"). But consult an attorney to determine which state currently has jurisdiction and your chances of success.

Q: I know my husband is having an affair, this is the second in the last year. He has asked me to move out of the home and he will take over all the property and bills here. He has denied the affairs and tells me they are only friends. What proof do I need to show the court so that this is shown as his fault?

Also, I'm afraid if I move out before getting a legal separation that he can consider my leaving abandonment. I'm having an extremely difficult time living here emotionally; he is calling her everyday and night and doesn't care that I can hear him. It's almost as if he wants me to have a nervous breakdown. I believe I deserve alimony, he makes over 100k a year and we have lived like this for 5 years, will I be able to get something? I want to seek counseling, but he watches the money close and I don't know how to pay for it.
Asked by Debbie in Missouri

A: Looks like this one is "MomsDivorce", but we don't discriminate, plus you raise several important issues that would be useful for the visitors to DadsDivorce.com. Here is some general information for you on the applicable Missouri law...

You don't mention if there are any children, nor do you mention what kind of income you earn. If there are no children, you earn substantially less than he does, and you can't afford to make the house payment on your own, then it may be that the judge will award the house to him, or will order it sold and the proceeds divided (which one depends on the parties' preferences and how much other assets there are to award you your appropriate share). If there are children and you get custody, the judge could award you the house and some maintenance (it's no longer called "alimony") to help you make the payments, and order the house sold when the children turn 18, at which point the proceeds would be divided. If you think you have a shot at the house, it probably would be a better idea for you to stay in it, as judges tend to take the status quo into account in cases like this; that is, if you are not in the house, it's less likely to be awarded to you.

As far as the proof of the affairs, there are many ways to prove it. You could (and should) subpoena all his telephone records, bank records, and credit card records. Often credit cards are a good way to provide evidence of an affair, such as if he is charging expensive dinners and they weren't with you. Taking the depositions of everyone involved in the alleged affairs frequently gets someone to admit something. Another way is to hire a private investigator, although you mention you don't have a lot of money. Missouri law provides that the judge can take marital misconduct (such as affairs) into account when dividing the property, and in determining the amount of maintenance to be awarded once the need for it is proven, but not in determining if maintenance should be awarded AT ALL (the distinction is subtle, but important.) However, the court is free to give the misconduct as little or as much weight as it desires. That is, even if you prove the affairs happened, that doesn't necessarily mean you get a greater share of the property or extra maintenance; it only means the judge can do so if he thinks it's the right result.

On the subject of paying attorney fees, if he has a much higher income than you, if you file for dissolution of marriage, you can file a motion with the court for "attorney fees on account" which basically means he has to pay a sum to you for your attorney.

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Joseph Cordell, J.D. founded Cordell & Cordell in 1990 after a brief stint with a major law firm. Originally a general practice firm focusing its attention on domestic relations matters, Cordell & Cordell has evolved into a firm practicing exclusively domestic relations law, with an overwhelming emphasis on fathers' rights. For more information you can visit http://www.dadsdivorce.com/ or if you have a question that you would like answered http://www.dadsdivorce.com/phorum/list.php?f=16&collapse=0

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